See that tractor?

Grandma is teaching Lana to play Farmville. For serious.

Permission.

Sveta: May I? Can I? Can me?

What?

Sveta: There me are!!

Apple Pie

Lana: this is my best snack ever!!!

Watching "Marth Speaks"

(a dog stole flowers from a garden and gave them to it's owner)
Girls: hahaha
Grandma: Haha look at that! They're from her own garden!

Everyone loves Martha.

Adorable.

Lana (blowing a dandelion gone to seed): I think fairies come out of here!!

Gross.

Sveta (after having pooped); it's an elephant one! Or a tadpole one!!

Kleenex.

They're sick. Blech.

Puppy girl.

Lana: You was just walking to my hand foot!

All star.

Lana: These are my dog foots!!

Zoo

Sveta (hands lacquered in popcicle and looking at the giant fountain at the zoo): Maybe I van put my hands in there??

Lator gator

Lana: Look! A picture of an alligator!

Potty time.

Me: What's he doing?
Lana: trying to open the door!
Me: why's he doing that?
Lana: the elephant have to go potty!

Boozers.

Sveta: let's see a wino!!

(ok so maybe she meant rhino but the letter R is a challenge so it sounds like a W.)

Yum!

Lana (with furrowed brow); I'm not food! I talked about that yesterday!!

Noodle necklaces.

Lana: No, Sveta, those are not for eating!!

Paris.

Lana: My animals are in Paris. Paris means when you do something lightly.

Sharks or men. Either way.

Me: sveta, do you like the sharks?
Sveta: I want a maaannn to come!

Ant beans

Lana: The ants were walking on us because they have dirty legs on them!!

(this is seeming a bit like the Lana Show these days...)

Those are black beans and the girls are pretending that they're ants.

Earf day.

Lana: Uhhhhh......no. we're not celebrating nature today...we're celebrating toys and things and presents!

Grass are nature! But not wet. And something is a bug. I'm lookin for bugs.

My neck.

Lana was pushing a baby in a swing and he touched her neck...
Lana: my neck! No baby, you're not supposed to do that to my neck.

Frere jaques? Brother John?

Sung to the tune of frere jaques...

Kid at park: silly doorknob, silly doorknob, I got youuu, I got youu! Little silly doorknob, little silly doorknob, I got youuu, I got youuu.

Love glutton.

Me: ...love you Lana.
Lana: (silence)
Me: Lana, what do you say when someone says 'i love you'?
Lana: May I please have some more??

There's no we in team.

Lana: my name is team!

More??

Lana: I can be a princess cow! I can be a dolphin.

In a burning cartoon building

Lana: Now she have smoke in her breaf!

Lana is not a sandwich.

Lana: Seehow I am? I have a head and a body and shoes. And my dress and my knees and andd my tummy and I have my coat and that's why I'm a girl. I'm not a tomato either.
I'm Lana, and I have a head and I don't have any spots on me and I have tushy.
And I can do anything I want! I can make something! And I can I dance and reach up and I can sing!
I can be anything I want! I can be a cow, or an animal!

It's a giraffe for sure.

Lana: No! It's a dragon!
Sveta: It looks like a giraffe....
Lana: Noooo! It's a dragon with spots on it.

Babies

Me: What do tadpoles turn into?
Lana: Butterflies!!

Cute.

Lana: ....but I want to be both!! Awesome annndd good-looking!

Trust fall.

Sveta climbed up onto the potty without using the little kid seat and I said...

Me: Sveta, would you like to use the seat?

And she looked at me kindly while shaking her head and said..

Sveta: I not going to fell.

The tire swing.

Sveta is too short to climb in. Here's how much too short...













Ultimately, this ended in defeat. Until she came back 5 minutes later. And failed again.

Comments...

This is a mix of comments from mostly Lana today. She's clearly lost it haha


Lana (to her giraffe): I wanted to smoke you but I will not. You have to be tied up because you were bad!..........you wants to be my friend? You want me to smoke you? Yes, he wanted to smoke me.
Sveta: You can't smoke PandaBear and Horsie, righhtt???
Sveta: I see you is tied up, what seems the problem?
Lana: They have to be tied up.
Sveta: Yes you do, you was bad.
Lana: You have to not smoke everyone because they're going to get all smokey!

Lana: what's your shirt say?
Me: "hug a tree"
Lana: Why are you always hugging trees???

Lana: That truck have lemonade in he's body!!

Lana: Lion and dandelion rhyme! Just like boot and meat!!

Ladybug

Lana: Where is him??!
Sveta: I think he in my paannts. The ladybug is in my pants!!

Martha

While watching a show about a talking dog...

Lana: I'm a talking girl!

Oy vey.

Lana hit Elena in te head with a stick so I made her have a timeout and she looked at me and whined...
"But but what about playing at the playground??!"
And then she tried to kick another kid. Woohoo.

Babies

Me: Do girls come from eggs?
Lana: well..................yes!! When I was an animal. And then I was a bug and I came out of an egg and then I was a girl!!

Chasing

Kid at park: Hey Mr. Jail!!

Beauty is a beast.

Lana: Beautiful is part of being nice. Being beautiful means being nice. I wanna wear a dress to be beautiful.

We can't fly.

Lana: No, we can't fly because we don't have any pixie dust! .....we need to get some pixie dust!!

Cabs

Lana: I love black! Black is my favorite color! (to the African American cab driver of a cab with a black interior)
I'm Lana! This is my skin!!

In a taxi..

Lana: This car is amazzingg!!!
Sveta: I need some music so I can dance!

Lana hurt her elbow.

Lana: My owie doesn't talk.

Panties at Office Depot

Sveta: Where daddy? He in the store to buy panties?? He going to buy diapers for a baby??
Me: Who's the baby?
Sveta: Not Lana...not Sveta...not Emily...pretend baby!!

Wet wet world.

It's raining. We all have cabin fever. What better way to escape from the boredom than to suit up the girls and encourage them to jump in puddles??








Look! She can levitate!

Then I chucked them in the tub to soak the street filth off of them. There were actual pieces of nature drifting around in the tub.

Dead peeps.

(I know these are upside down.)

We had a jello picnic today with my secret recipe for bloodied dead peeps!

Before...



After...




Gross.

Adorable.

Look! Lana's Mickey Mouse!

Princess Belle

Lana: Look everyone! She is amazing. Now we have to give her a party!!

(communicating)

Lana: I think the dog is mudicating!!

In the yard

Lana: I found something and it spells the pet of the carrot!

I'm annoying.

I told sveta to say "ready or not here I come!!" after counting in hide and seek and she said..
Sveta: "I already said that!"
Me: "really?"
Sveta: " yeah! I don't want to say it over and over and over again!"

Twisting thing at the park.

Lana: and I might fall and hit my head! And that would be awful! And I might have to go to the doctor!
Sveta: and you might be get a shot!
Lana: Yes, Sveta, that's right. I might be get a shot.

Dancing

Lana: when you move your body like (wiggled hips) it's called the...swoot! You gotta do the swoot!

She found a button.

HoldIng the button up as evidence..
Lana: oh no!! Someone's pants broked!!

Park friends

Lana:...and then I'm gonna be my own friend!!
And then after the playground friends left she said...
"I miss them very much."
They were 20 ft. away.

And later on...

Me: Wow! Look at that arm!
Lana: hmm. I don't want to have owies so much.

(Lana is a constant hazard to herself. She takes the idea of face-planting to a new level)

Ballsy.

Lana tripped on the front (cement) stairs and slid down three of them on her stomach and scraped her elbow open and she exclaimed, "oh no!!" when she slipped, no tears, no crying, no yelling, whining, or anything. So I scooped her up to bring her in to wash her elbow up and set her down in the house where she examines her arm only to decide, "We need to take a picture of it." So we did (look below) and then we went and she let me wash it without fusssing at all and then asked if we could go back outside! She informed me on out way out that she would hold the railing very tightly.


She is one tough f'ing broad.

Mad hops

Sveta in the air!

With a carrot in hand...

Sveta: I is not more kids.

Parkarkark

Girl at park: I'm bein called to my dad!! He's going to give me forever mermaid potion!!!

Ribbit...?

Sveta: I'm painting a frog!!



I don't see the frog...

Adorable.

Sveta ( to the 13 year old girls in the park): You want to be my friend??

Marshmellos

It all began as marshmallows and grew to include kix and cheerios.

Birdies

Today's game: Eat like a bird (which means using chopsticks) and eat cheerios off the blanket on the floor.




It lasted forever. It was amazing.

Syntax

Me: What's his name?
Lana: the giraffe can't talk so he can't name his name is.

She said while tapping her chin...

Sveta: I'm going to make my food all-gone and then I might be to paint. Ok?

I is a mommy.

Sveta: I was just kidding! You are not a mean lady! You are just Emmilllyyy.

Snakes on a park.

Lana: My snake is dirty!!
Girl at the Park: Thats a snake?It looks like a ribbon...

Spazzy.

Lana: come on you little beast!
...she said that to a spot of light bouncing around the room.

More painting

Lana: That's mud.
Sveta: For a pig?
Lana:(confused face)
Sveta: Where's a pig?
Lana: I'm going to draww one.
Sveta: Why don't you paint one?
Lana: ....
Sveta: A pig lives in the zoo!
Lana: Actually no, a pig lives on a farm.
Sveta: Oh..that's good.
Lana: Yes.

Let's paint bugs!

Lana: I'm gonna do an animal.
Sveta: What kind of animal?
Lana: A cow!
Sveta: Oh! A cow!
Lana: Yes. Does a cow have four legs?
Sveta: A green cow?
Lana: No..not six...a cow have four legs.

After lunch snacks.

(after pretending to gobble up her cheeks)

Lana: I look like a little girl!
Me: But you looked a little bit delicious...
Lana: I don't look like delicious! I'm not food!!
Me: But you're so tasty looking!
Lana: No! I'm not toasty!

Seed?

Said one butterfly to the other...
Lana: We don't eat hummus! We eat birdseed.

Playground.

Lana: I am a princess!
Me: Sveta you can be a princess too.
Sveta: No!!. Me is Santa.

Zoop

Finally sitting down to eat at the zoo..

Sveta: I need to go pootttttttttyyy.

The potty was down a curved flight of stairs.

The zoo

Lana: Those monkies smell bad. That make me sneeze and sneeze and sneeze!! I don't like that smell and it make my tummy sick and it's really stinky...
Me: Whoa whoa whoa...why don't you tell me what you dooo like instead.

Lana: I like plants and I like food and I like animals and I like grass an I like water and whales. And I lve playgrounds I love zebras and and....

Science and Industry

Me: Lana, is the elevator going down or is the building going up?
Lana: the building is going up!
Me: Are you sure?
Lana: yeah!!

The floor

Sveta: Look at this!! (pointing at a scratch in the floor from mommy moving the piano)
Lana: Sometimes mommy is a little bad...
Me: Lana, kids don't get to say when grownups are good or bad.
Lana: But she...
Me: Lana.
Sveta: Tickle meeeee!!!!!!

Toilet

Sveta: I am very smart and it's very smart to flush the potty.

Pre-bed

Lana: (holding a toy goat and singing..) what the tease! What the cheeesseee!

Then Sveta tripped and fell and looked up all upset and I looked back and she said...
Sveta: I felled.
Me: Well you were being too silly right?
Sveta:........let's do it again!?!!!

Shrek

While watching Shrek when princess Fiona had a tantrum.

Lana: She needs to be smart. She need to not yell and be crazy... (she said as she shook her head looking down for another bite of dinner)

Chef for a day.

I let Sveta invent dinner tonight. Here's her recipe...

1 cup blackbeans
1/2 cup shredded cheese
2 hotdogs
1 1/2 cups white rice
1/4 cup half and half




Seriously. I actually let her pick and then made it. She's a cheese junky. Oh and hotdogs. And beans. You know what thhhaattt means. Yuck.

I like ALL of the begetables!

Lana: Broccoli is a begetable, and water is......water is not a begetable.

A guest entry..

(while watching Finding Nemo)
Lana: We don't eat fish.
Mommy: Wel....we eat food fish, not friend fish.
Lana: ..........................I would rather eat toast fish.

Tea for RaaawwrrRR!!

Lana: please take it off to be a bear? Please take it off for the bear? Please have a new cup for the bear? But the bear wants the top off! Please have a new cup? :::pout pout pout whine sniff pout:::

Lana asked for honey for the bear so I gave her tea in a thermal sippy cup and she's all bummed because she wants a regular cup regardless of informing her that bears use sippy cups. She is, I assume you now know, the bear. The whiningest bear ehvur.

Lunchy lunch lunch.

Me: Heres your macaroni!
Lana: um....... Can I have salad?

Crayon cakes!

Sveta: May I can eat them?

First!


Then!


I'm kind of jealous and want my own crayon cuppin' cakes.

Flushed

Sveta: that quack-quack is all tied up!!

So much.

Lana: it's my birthday today! Now I can eat!

Lana: I want to be an elephant everyday!!

Pee? Pea? P?

Lana: I'm a peeaaa girl! I'm a zebra girl! I'm a doollphhinn girl!

Ahhhhhjjjj!!!

Me: What did I say?!!?
Sveta: No more cutting scissors near Lana's face.

Bath time.

Lana: I need to take a bath. My knees smell bad, and my feet smell bad..and and and my body smells bad! And I need to take a bath and get my hair wet and go under the water! I do not smell good!

Sveta: My eye and my hair and my feet smell bad.

Potty.

Mommy: what do you get to do after you go potty??
Sveta: Say "ta-da!!!"

Chillin.

Sveta: sooo...Emily.....what are you doing today?
Me: hanging out with you girls and coloring pictures.
Sveta: that's great.

Chicken.

Lana: I don't want muscles! I have one muscle. It's here on my tummy. I don't need more muscles! I have one and I don't need anymore. These meat are going to make one muscle. Actually two muscles. I want to stay tiny. Actually I just want to be a big girl.

Safety.

Lana: I smell like I have to go caca!!

Flem. Phlegm. Phlem.

Lana: I need it to be in my kneeeeee not in my head!! (in reference to her phlegm)

Cake

Me: do dinosaurs like birthday cake?
Lana: noo!!!
Me: do girls like birthday cake?
Lana: Yeessss!!
Me: do boys like birthday cake?
Lana:.........sure?............my sister is not a boy...

Jordan

Lana: My brother is a chef. He is so awesome.

Mehmehmeh!

Sveta: you're a baby.
Lana: no I'm not, sveta, I'm a big girl.
Sveta: your mom is a baby.
Lana: no she isn't!
Sveta: you're a baby.
Lana: no I'm not!!
Sveta: :::shrugs:::

Rumpus

Lana: Sveta haves a tiny face. I have a big sister face.

Then, patting a large drum case...
"Hi Shawn."
And she walked away.

Potty panic.

Lana: I almost falled in the toilet!!!!

...

Lana: When I was a little big boy I was afraid of the dark.

Applesauce.

Lana: Sveta gets a little spoon because she is a tiny little girl!

In other news if Sveta doesn't stop whining I'm going to hide her in a closet until spring thaw!

Pigtails.

Sveta: I being so brave! Whhyy?Because that's how I do it!

Battery powered vehicle.

Upon finding a challenge in peddling her tricylce Lana exclaimed, "It not have any batteries!!"

Monstro the drum case.

Lana: you like to go in his throat?
Sveta: yes.

Totally dude.

Lana: I'm awesome. Because I'm awesome I can find things. And it's very awesome because I'm awesome.

A butterfly castle.

Lana: A castle means "I want to build it."

A teeny rant.

Sveta has a splinter in her shin. Uugghh. Even worse? It's Gymboree day.

Bill the dog.

Me: What's your puppy's name?
Lana: Bill.

I?

Sveta: me want to play with you eye!!

Snoopy

Lana (holding and playing with a giant Snoopy pez dispenser...): Im the mommy dog!! I'm siiinngginngg!!

Yarisss

Lana: Youre going to go in the red car.
The Zebra (as played by Lana): The red car?
Lana: Yes. The shiny red car an you're going to go the doctor fish.

Look! That a nipple!

Sveta: A mole? I like your mole.

Cages v. Borsht

Me: You like to eat borsht?
Lana: Yes! But I don't like to eat cages. That's too silly!

Birthdays

Lana: I'm still four. I need to be in another Jullyyy.

Firearms

Lana: we also don't eat guns. That's yucky. She said it was an eating gun and it's not.

Granny

I spoke to a gentleman friend of mine on the phone and when I hung up sveta said, " that was your grandma??!" hahaha

Pickles

Lana (talking to a broken pickle in the jar): Dont worry. We're going to eat you!



(the pickle in question)

Dinner.

Lana: Milk?? Why would we want to do that forever?

Cookie sharer.

Sveta: You're sharing with me?
Me: yes, I'm sharing cookies with you?
Sveta: cause you're so nice?
Me: yes. Because I'm so nice.

Dancing

Lana: No, I'm not a lovebug, I'm a banana-girl.

Surgery.

Lana (handing over a toy scalpel and a little doll): Do you like to cut the knife annddd the girl??

Valentines pt. 2

Sveta: Me painting daddy....red socks...and red eyes....

Valentine creation pt. 1

Lana: I was a little falling.

This followed the vomitrociously gross "Something got in my mouth!" the something was a giant booger she had started to feed to herself.

Like a power drill to the brain.

Sveta: I want to eat that way...?
Me: No honey, you don't need to turn around. You're fine.
Sveta: But I wannnttt to.
Me: No
Sveta: pplleeaassee
Me: I can't hear girls who beg.
Sveta: But I wanna face thhaatt way.
Me: No.
Lana: Pplllleeaaasseeeee!!!
Me: please what?
Lana: Smaldjfktkensj!! Pleeaassee.
Me: Huh? You don't even know what you're begging for...
Sveta: Please!??!
Me: I can't hear girls are begging.
Sveta: Please...............? Plleeaasseee (louder)??!.............Please may I can watch Yo Gabba Gabba?
Me: (blank stare)

And you know that went on for another ten minutes.

Nemo? No. Not quite.

Lana: I was a little fish. I swimmed to the bottom and then I swimmed to the left. And there were a lot of other fish and then a shark came and chased me! And then I swimmed to the other bottom and another shark chased me and I swimmed and swimmed and swimmed! And then the shark got me! And then I stopped and he tried to eat me again! And then he spit me out and I fell down to the river. And then my shark was riding and riding to the beach and I hit that shark! And hit hit hit and get him away! And he was just going to eat me.
Me: that was a great story!
Lana: That was not a story that was a question.
Sveta. That nice fish caught me and that nice fish hold me hanndd.
Lana. Yeah that fish show Sveta how to play games.

And then the story went on for another ten minutes and included an explanation that the shark wouldn't want to wear my necklace because it's too small for him and it might break.

Ocean

Lana: That's dolphin girls like me!!
Sveta: And me a whhaallee.

Plex is a robot

Sveta: That plex's arm like he holding a pinecone!

Sicksicksick.

(There was nothing of note to say yesterday. The girls are sick and thus more closely resemble pond scum than little girls. Pond scum doesn't talk much it turns out.)


Lana: My hand got sweaty from the eyeballs!

Cows?

Sveta: Sorry cow-Lana.
Lana: Moo, thank you.

Painting again

Sveta: I'm painting toenails!!


(the toenails.)

Warm v. Cool

Me: Which one is a cool color?



Me: which one is a warm color?



Lana correctly identified warm and cool colors after a tiny explanation of warm and cool in color. I love these girls!

Those pictures are of her pointing with her brush to answer my questions.

Toenails.

Lana: Yes. I do have giant toenails.

Baby fo' life.

Sveta: Meh meh! Me a baby! Me want help! Cause me can't wwaallkk.
Lana: um baby, you sleep down here, baby........Maybe it's Sveta's turn to be the mommy.
Sveta: I don't want to be a mommy. I'm a baby.
Lana: well actually, Sveta, you could be a mommy or sveta.
Sveta: Nnoooo. I'm a baby.

Rar?

Sveta: Me a good dragon. Me have sharp fingernails! You a big dragon cause you have soft big, toenails.

While doing ABC's

Lana: my foot got a little bit strange...

Hm.

Lana: Last night Emily was a little girl too.

Pump it up.

Sveta: maybe I will think about parking!

We then found a parking spot and Sveta was quite pleased. She said, "I make a good choice!!"

Daddysaurus.

Sveta: He's a daddy.
Me: how do you know?
Sveta: because he talks and that dinosaur said, "Hi Sveta! Where are you??"
Sveta: I'm giving him eyelashes so he can be really happy!

Lunchtime again.

Lana: And my mommy and daddy dolphin girls and Emily dolphin girl and they were swimming in the water and they say "blup blup blup!"

Lunchtime.

Lana: I like normally girls. Because I'm a fish.

Teeth

Lana: Your teeth are coming out!
Me: No they aren't.
Sveta: Yes! They is! They really is!

I win!

Lana: you're are cool.

L is for Lana

Sveta (sharing lana's name stool): Look at that beautiful L! I love sharing Lana's stool.

Said the dolphin to the whale...

Sveta: May I ride on you?
Lana: Yes, because I'm beautiful.

There was a context for this but it really detracts from the innuendo.

Don't lick the sidewalk.

Lana (in song!): yucky things! Yucky things are bad for you to eat!

Hold the dancing.

Lana: I haaaatteeee a potty break!
Sveta: I loveee a potty break!!

Whole life

Lana (pointing at a block castle): I want to do this the whole my life!!!

Snow beasts.

Me: Lana, what kinds of animals live in the snow?
Lana: Dinosaurs!!!!

Sea friends.

Me: what else lives in the ocean?
Lana: water.
Sveta: Nemo!

I win!!

Sveta: You nice, Emily! Like mommy is nice.

Killer whales.

Sveta: I like you, mean whale.
Lana: I like you too both guys.
Sveta: I liikkeee yooouu.
Lana: Yes, yes you do like me.
Sveta: I listen to you.
Lana: yes you do cause I'm mean. Now let's go to the mean playground.
Sveta: I like the mean playground!
Lana: Do you want to go to the mean store? Dolphin girls like the mean playground.

Sveta: I like you mean whale!
Lana: Yes you do! Everybody likes mean whales, and mean octopus.

She's on a roll today.

Lana: Dragons don't have hair. They have horns. And big BIG legs! And tiny hands. And big feet! And big teeth!
Me: what colors are dragons?
Lana (lookig serious.): um. Pink. Yeah.
Lana: a dragon sneezed. Dragons sneeze when they because they're a little sneezy.

Lana: I is being girl! I is bein' good!

Me (referring to the bobble head toy under a blanket): Why is he sad?
Sveta: He want his daddy person.

Hilarious? Not so much.

Here's today...

Me: Lana, please drink your keifer.
Lana: noooooooooooooooo! I don't neeeeddd to!! ....I need a little snack.
Me: Lana, the keifer will make you feel better.
Lana: nnnnnoooOOOO!!! I don't NEED keifer. I feel better! ........cheese?
Me: No cheese, you have keifer and I will go start making lunch.
Lana: NoooOOOOOoooOo!! I want a little snack!!
Me:.................(blank stare)
Lana: (drinks her keifer while happily dancing in her seat)

Avocado is the name of the game.

Me: Lana, can you show me where on this globe you are from? ( I asked while steering her toward north America)
Lana: (pointing at Siberia) I'm from cavacado [avocado]!! We gotta go to cavacado.

I suspect thus us because of the light and dark green trees there on the globe but who even knows.

Sea creatures

Lana: Daaddddyyy...may I can have some more whales?

How was your weekend?

Lana: I might be a little bit play with the blocks.
Me: Oh...good? Ok? Hmmm?